Reflections on resistance

For anyone who has been in therapy, and become frustrated with their progression (you know who you are, you start asking things like "what's the structure?", "where's the plan"?) ... this is something I wrote recently for someone who is in that place of anxiety around the process:

"I hear your anger, frustration and exhaustion around the situation of your life.

It must be so so hard for you to deal with that every single day for all these years, and hard to find any hope left that the situation might change in the future.

I hear your utter overwhelm at the prospect of it always being this way ...

I hear your very strong desire to be done with all of this, to find a therapeutic option that bypasses (avoids) sitting in the discomfort of your anger and resentment and hopeless feelings for a minute longer than you need to.

I get it! It's hard work, and it never promised to be anything but that.

Our heads know that, but our very strong to desire to get the heck away from our Selves and our fear and anxiety is often times stronger. 

If it makes any difference, I make up that you have, indeed, come a long distance (from disconnect to a reconnection with your feelings) since we first began working together ... just not far enough for it to have changed all the external stuff that you have to face every day...

... or far enough to change all those years of disconnect within your family of origin ... and the things you face when you contemplate seeing them now. 

The purpose of the work is not to miraculously make things better, it is to get better at feeling, so that you are reconnected with your Self in ways you haven't been.

When we connect to our feelings, we don't need anyone else to help us navigate life because we have our Self to share the journey.

Then, and only then, are we able to choose who we have in our lives from a place of light, connection and love rather than a place of fear, insecurity, confusion and disconnect. 

From there, all that is needed is to sit with Self, listen with an open heart and mind, and move forward with valued action"

When you are feeling frustrated or you think the therapist you were (5 minutes ago) getting so much out of seeing has suddenly lost their touch or gone off plan, take a long moment to consider what has changed for you, what are you feeling (anger, fear, resentment, frustration, anxiety, bored, disconnected, distracted) and own your feelings about where you are at. 

Then speak to your therapist ... watching and noticing all the time how you may be laying the blame at their feet for your strong desire to avoid having to go deeper within yourself. 

Sarah xx